WHILE MY HEAD DOUBTS , MY HEART BEATS FOR A PROMISING TOMORROW

When I log online I feel we as woman have , indeed , come a long way. One step out into the real world , I see many men deciding when , with whom and where can their wife / sisters or mothers may go , the dresses they may wear and all the decisions regarding their well being , interests , finances , friends , children , work and more .

Also there is this  one complete segment of woman from all economics sects for whom the marriage is sacrosanct and the world in itself..Barring a few exceptions the fact remains that celebrating WOMANHOOD on just a day out of 365 days is far from a fair deal in light of given facts .

Another unfairness that stares in our face is a big thought provoking question: “IS WOMEN’S DAY AN ELITIST PHENOMENON IN INDIA??

Earlier violations and violence against woman was real time happenings and they continue to be so to date. .Now there’s another dimension to it : VIRTUAL violations...which by all means can be really toxic. Majorly the issues raised online were the urban rage incidents or where the rights of urban woman were violated. The angst of the virtual world were more for the ones of their own kinds. The missing link of the trans- sectional nature make it pretty shallow.

 To be true to its spirit of the  woman’s day as it started in 1917 -marking women’s contribution and partnership towards world’s growth , economy , and development  , its repercussions need to seep down to the grass roots , then positively affect the woman en-mass and address their day to day lived experiences . At the cost of sounding pessimist , I must say we haven’t even reached half-way.sad but true!

I heave a heavy breath of disillusionment  as I sit to put into words the tussle between my well meaning head and a well lived heart. I can take a stance to actively celebrate one with all the frills of consumerism- the cards , flowers , discounts on beauty treatments and loads of other freebies around me or I can spare a day to thoughts of taking stock if we have really arrived.

The mood for this day-  a day just before the D-day on 8 March is to feel blessed for my cool- sisters online associations, for being able to exercise my independence of speech , work, dressing , behaviors , supporting patriarchy and much more , but not without accepting the woes of many more of my tribe.

I still know that there are many who can’t afford to speak what they feel , what they would love to do , the way they would want to dress , the people they would like to meet , the places they would die to visit , the way they would want their relationships to bloom , the goals they want to actualise , or the basic respect & acknowledgement that they would love to feel in the eyes of people in their environment. None of these seem to be a very big demand but denied even than. I am yet to think of ways or points of origin from where WOMEN’S DAY becomes a  source of new power , ideas and fresh struggles across all sects of women in our society. But the few places to begin with could be

·        Thanks to Technology , you can sit at home and upgrade a few skills , connect with a like-minded set of people , explore motivational stories of how others in similar situations turned it around for good .

·        Spend time with self- know your true feelings strengths and weakness , threats and opportunities; explore effective ways of managing stress ( more so if you are in a toxic environment) ,nurture your body with good food , thoughts ,meditation, reading ,listening to your favourite music .All this will give you a perspective and give you strength to face the situations and finally turning the tables.

·        Seek help from various women helplines , speak out and DO NOT withdraw in a cocoon.

·        Accept the fact that it is not feasible to separate women struggles from support from men. Supportive patriarchy can be a point of great strength .Accepting facts make things bearable.

·        ...but not challenging repressive patriarchy could be the end of dreams and desires atleast in this lifetime.

While I still reflect and analyze on what could be a better way to initiate something worth it on this women’s day , gain some solace in the fact that there are many who are at an equal playing field and have waged a revolution back home on Gender quality with their kids , You go and start taking small affordable risks & actions to see a change in your environment. Be rest assured it is worth the effort!

Have an empowering women’s day that paves the way for even more strength in coming years.

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I WANT TO BE FREE- “ ARENT THEY BIG ENOUGH TO MANAGE!!!

These days all mommies (ok , most mommies) are so particular about their ME –TIME that it has become an almost universal complain that you get to hear as “The kids are big enough now (it applies for ages as early as 6 years) and ought to understand that I have limited time post work and other stuff.Its high time they become independent and do not need my constant reminders to do things “

Poor little ones , being ill equipped , flounder badly and there starts the whole jinga-lala business of being judgmental about their actions , critical of their ways of being & doing and in extreme cases comparisons with other kids (irrespective of their environments or support systems or exposures)

Personally I feel there are some simple yet effective ways to be free..Free to have more time to do things you want.

 Read on:

• ·         You have amassed quicker , smarter and time saving ways to do things overall. Instead of letting your kids take time and re-invent the wheel , take the lead to guide them and help them implement it actively. It implies you are not spoon feeding them but it certainly means teaching them your strategies of better Time – management, organising , referencing , quicker reading or multitasking tasks , mannerisms , and much more .It will help them save time and offers them a powerful choice to their existing repertoire of skills.
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• ·         Your presence around the child while he engages in meaningful activities builds an emotional support and connect. To double up the benefits  , share your life experiences and you can add lots of value to their development both mental and physical.
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• ·         The concentrated efforts , interest and inputs that you can provide are way above the ones given by a tuition- teacher / or enrichment classes. Of course there are exceptions but considering the sporadic availability of business oriented guidance the rule is definitely otherwise. YOUR STAKES ARE NO DOUBT HIGHER WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR CHILD!!!
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• ·         It is our duty as a mother to not just provide food for the body to our kids but to take equal responsibility to serve them food for thoughts , right behaviours , decisions . and actions. The wholesome growth of kids is the only way towards freedom for a mom. All mommies investing energies in their kids while they are still young , get free once the ground work is in place ( I feel class 8^th should be a good milestone to keep in mind , to bring out the best in them ) .
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• ·      Ground work would involve teaching and showing them the nitty - gritties of planning & organising , Reading skill types ( skimming / scanning /study / speed reading)love for learning , gradual note making , scheduling tasks , sticking to time frames are just to name a few , with far reaching results.
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IF DESPITE IT ALL  , YOU STILL WANT TO KEEP YOUR ME- TIME AS SACRED , REVISIT YOUR BALANCING ACT IN LIFE. WITH A LITTLE PLANNING AND PUTTING FIRST THINGS FIRST (WHICHEVER WAY IT GOES FOR YOU: FROM THE CHILD TO YOU OR VICE VERSA)  , IT COULD BE A CAKE WALK (OR SHOULD I SAY “CAT WALK “)TOWARDS MORE FREE TIME...SCRIPT IT THE WAY IT SUITS YOU MOMS.

#RELEASE THE PRESSURE

“CHILDREN MOSTLY LIVE IN THE PRESENT. TRYING TO PUSH THEM HARD FOR A BETTER FUTURE GOES AGAINST THE GRAIN OF CHILDHOOD”

Any philosopher and guide would advise to live in the present as the past is history and future is a distant dream. Kids are the master practitioners of this basic philosophy.  Look around and you would find enough examples  in parents  who rob kids of all this in the name of cut throat competition , future fitness , coping with stress , high cut offs , limited opportunities , and above all Living their dreams and aspirations through them.

WHAT IS IT DOING TO OUR KIDS AND TO US? A world of irreversible damage!!!

 It  is fast forwarding their entry into the world of adulthood and its related stressors like anxiety , depressions ,peer- pressures , low self esteem issues and uni-dimensional personalities  .Their blanking out in exams , forgetting the answers , extreme to mild discomfort (both mental and physical ) before or during exams , disliking the testing approach to learning , obsessive compulsive disorders , escaping schedules and avoiding studies, daydreaming etc are clear warning signs to a more receptive parent to revisit how they are approaching studies/ performance  and a call to release the pressure.

The damage it brings to us as parents by way of additional stress apart from our day to day struggles-be it driving to work , meeting deadlines ,  managing home and work ,  planning and implementing schedules for self , kids and more ,is equally unpleasant. Internally it manifests in psychological issues and overtly it puts us in bad light with little or no control on our day to day interactions ,  language and behaviors.

WHERE DOES IT LEADING TO? No point in guessing that it will lead to an individual who grows up with no imagination , and crippled problem solving & adaptability issues.

An average child’s life today is so regimented and regulated by the rigidity in school systems with its extreme pressures of year round assessments , examinations , excessive homework , too many tuitions and multiple other structured activities. It leads to an environment where informal play by themselves or with peer groups outside school has totally vanished. The end result is a level of stress of  KIND THAT WOULD BREAK AN ADULT N, LEAVE ALONE CHILDREN.  

Let’s not forget  that despite it all a  highly focused child is a rarity and more often a less interesting and enthusiastic as an individual.

HOW CAN BE GAIN A BALANCED PERSPECTIVE INTO ALL THIS  THAT IS A TICKING TIME BOMB? 

According to Randy Pausch , the author of ‘THE LAST LECTURE’,......A lot of parents don’t realize the power of their words. Depending on the age of the child and a sense of self , an off hand comment from the parents can feel like a shove from a bulldozer’ and more so during exam times.

Children do not even know that they are failing , we make them feel so.  Hence , We need to do some work too :

1.      Give yourselves some goals to acheive and behaviours to mould , and you are bound to be empathetic about the effort that your kids make in achieving theirs and failing at times.

2.      If competition worries you , arm yourself with information on the ten fold increase in the opportunities  in the last few years particularly;

3.      Question your limiting beliefs about education , learning , intelligence , motivation and acheivement  more often.

4.       Renew them , communicate them to your kids and take a long sighted view of education. Life long learning will guarantee success to your child and not strict obedience , rankings , rote learning , examinations or so called “good starts”

5.      Identify the uniqueness of your child and nudge them in the right direction  , tell them to compete against SELF and not others , and be competitive enough not to settle for safe “academic performance , give them your time , space & unconditional support .

6.      Teach them that adversity , stress or pressures bring out the best in a person and accepting challenges would come naturally to them in the long run. Failure  should not necessarily be a bad word!

Having said all that and more on #RELEASINGTHEPRESSURE , its highly recommended to :

1.      Feedbacks needs to be  given in a positive and motivating tone with a future pacing and acknowledgement of their positives and efforts, are always well received.

2.      Give them supervised , guided and graded strategies to studies before you expect them to fight their wars  and be on their own.

3.      Let them develop into a well rounded individuals and prod them to a life beyond books. Gift them love for sports , arts , reading , music , and more based on their interests to be more self centered and self assured.

4.      Indulge them in value building and life skills building on an early age. Whether you choose yourself as a role model or seek outside intervention is absolutely your call.

5.      Let them value the three B’s:  taking BREAKS , deep BREATHING and a BALANCED DIET.

I am pretty convinced that once the basics are in place the parent child interaction is a delight to watch and the relationship is more open , honest and two way.

 Today we need more kids who develop into a person of substance  rather than rich. Clearly then , let’s let our children follow their passion and areas of interest rather than channel them in tandem with formal education.

RESOLUTIONS THAT STAY!!!!

April is infamous for being the month where many (or rather most) resolutions die a silent death and leaves behind a myth that its not easy!!!

Some facts , however , if reflected upon closely can be path – breaking.

Come January , We all wish and desire to change a few or more things about the way we look , emotions we feel , how we relate with self or others , our behaviours in particular to our Lives in general. How we fancy the idea of ringing on changes but are we all ears to some calculated long term trade- offs needed to back our real – time decisions to change.

Let me break it down to small chunks to help you see deeper into what all that one needs to make sure that the RESOLUTIONS made at the beginning of the new year go on to bear results .

Ø  MAKE A REAL DECISION : REAL DECISIONS requires taking stock of your present state or position , the desired self / state , chalking out creative , practical , personal roadmap with small but consistently firm baby steps to usher in change each day.

Ø  WILLINGNESS TO TAKE ACTION: It is important that it comes from within and should not have someone else as the reference or the stimulus. Half the battle is won when you want it whole heartedly and not merely to fit in.

Ø  LEARN TO CHANNELISE your desire for instant gratification in more than one ways and preferably other than the normally / habitually preferred ways. For example: change in mood is preferably initiated by a lavish eat out options or indulging in calorie rich foods. How about gradually shifting to listening to your favourite music or reading your chosen book or catching up with a friend but certainly not indulging in mindless indulgences. It’s just a matter of frequency of replacements that the new choices will sound normal .

Ø  KEEP THE PATIENCE TO EXPERIENCE ‘LAG-TIME’: simply put it’s the same as the fact that ROME WAS NOT BUILT IN A DAY! All masterpieces(in this case your desired goals or resolutions) from our very own TAJ MAHAL to a demonetized / corruption free / swachh BHARAT involve a long term pain management and patience.

Ø  FLEXIBILITY IS THE KEY: Feel OK to manage , change or alter the road map to the new changes. Flexibility to make changes makes it saner and any aberrations in the name of failing has to be carefully monitored and perceived.

Remember to feed your mind that each time you mange to meet a challenge , you are able to take your life , confidence levels , self esteem and  ‘CAN-DO-SPIRIT’ to the next level. worth it? NO?

GO ON USHER IN CHANGES THAT STAY....WISHING YOU GOOD LUCK!!!