TWELVE POINTERS TO DEVELOP RESILIENT KIDS- kids who bounce back and confront challenges boldly!

While I struggled last week to write on a topic of immense value to my readers , I chanced upon this post talking about the high court’s decision to instruct schools to do away with mathematics as a subject considering it posed challenge . Are we serious to even think on such lines?

WILL IT NOT ROB THEM OF THE ZEAL TO DO THE CHALLENGING STUFF ?

WON’T IT TO MAKING IT ALL SO EASY THAT THEY WOULD LOOSE ALL THE POWER TO PERSEVERE AND ACHIEVE THE TOUGH?

I mean first they wanted to pass all kids till class VIII , then doing away with challenging yet important subjects like maths and God knows what’s next on the list.

Before we get into a debate on how good or bad these decisions are , we need to get the grip on the fact that things / situations like traffic , an exam gone wrong , a project hanging on the head , friendships and the games people play , overall day to day living  around us are changing for the bad( Read stressful and chaotic )and it’s a parents duty to foster caring would –be adults in family and community with  self regulation skills  , positive self concept , motivation , optimism , ownership of their actions and personal control .

Simply put RESILIENCE means “springing back” or “rebounding after stress or adversity”. It will ensure that our kids meet life’s challenges and pressures with elan and perseverance and prepare for success in all areas of their future life.

TWELVE SIMPLE SUTRAS TO EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY RESILIENT KIDS:

1.          COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY AND LISTEN ACTIVELY: Parents need to listen with undivided attention and validate what their kids are saying , even if they do not agree with their views.
2.        BELIEVE IN THEIR WORTH: Parents must make their kids feel special and appreciated . Telling them “ I BELIEVE IN YOU ‘ is miraculous. to add up to the magic would be family emotional support. If you seriously want resilient kids  , our words and actions must convey that none of their questions is silly or irrelevant.
3.             BEING ACCEPTING : Parents need to accept their kids for their unique temperaments. By accepting children as they are , we set realistic expectations for us and for them too resulting in more satisfying and less tense parent – child relationship
4.          FOCUSING ON STRENGTHS: Problems faced cannot be denied but a parent’s focus on their strengths rather than over emphasizing their weaknesses is a way forward to kids wanting to do a  course- correction with least resistance.
5.          VIEWING MISTAKES AS LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES : Responding their mistakes with belittling or demeaning comments is a sure shot way to a lost plot. Help them see an opportunity and experiences to learn and grow there.
6. .       FOSTERING A SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY: ..compassion and a social conscience by providing opportunities to children to make contributions at home , school or community are plenty these days..CAPITALIZE ON THEM J
7. .       MAINTAIN A DAILY ROUTINE AND USE DISCIPLINE : children should know that they are loved and cared for unconditionally but the realization that they cannot get away with whatever they want has to be built in too. Maintaining a balance of giving in and firmness is suggested. However using discipline to intimidate or humiliate will spoil it all for you.
8. .       STICKING TO A ROUTINE has been found to be comforting to children especially young kids who crave structure in their lives. Encourage them and guide as needed to have his or her own routines.
9.          GIVE THEM CHOICES: Help them by modelling problem solving behaviour by allowing them to experience success or failure resulting fro, their choices within a supportive framework. Choosing and following up with their choices gives them deeper insights into their decisions while they are learning to be responsible under your able hand holding.
10. 10.   RESILIENCE IN YOUR PARENTING PERSONA: Problem solving and decision making are two important components of Resilience. Showcase the two often in your parenting in a regular day and let it help your children use as a guiding light to a sense of control in their own lives
11. 11.   MOVE TOWARDS GOALS: Teach children to make reasonable goals and move towards getting them in a step at a time. Inculcate a sense of achievement by acknowledging every small step towards achieving their goals...remember “what you appreciate appreciates”-completed goals or the pending half??
12. 12.   ACCEPT THAT CHANGE IS THE WAY OF LIFE BUT ONE HAS TO MAINTAIN PERSPECTIVE AND BE HOPEFUL: Change has always been scary. Helping them see times when change has actually been good  , how changes from one class to another have been a good change and more would be helpful to install a belief that change is part of life and one can cope. A positive and hopeful outlook  will support our children to see good things in life to keep coping and going ahead with a smile , even in hardest of times that abound these days.

Take a break , align schedules but do not worry endlessly , Be flexible but start with yourself by:

·         Assume responsibility to change ,

·         Understand the set of problems , goals or decisions you would want to achieve,

·         Evaluate what all has been done to achieve the above and why it hasn’t worked out,

·         In case you fail , try again , handle your frustration for the sake for raising your RESILIENT bunch!!!

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HOPE IS A WONDERFUL BREAKFAST BUT A BAD SUPPER

                    

It has been rightly said that one should read between the lines to gain insights into a particular scenario. Taking that as true let’s look at the present trends that are trending  all around us and we are all guilty of taking them  in our stride because of the BUSY-ness called Life.

We have amazing corporate –modelled and run schools today that promise the world to us and to our kids , on the other hand there are coaching & enrichment classes / tuitions (a necessary evil !!!!)which are growing at an equally alarming rate;

We have schools boasting of developing Life skills / enhancing and respecting  Multiple Intelligence skills of each child , on the other hand the people delivering them choose to be biased ; with attitudes and behaviours that are rigid and too old school...where marks define the child. IQ is still preferred over Emotional Quotient and they give a damn to the fact that times have changed and various innovative opportunities are today lining the horizon;

We all have this secret desire that our kids should be good readers , on the other hand the number of gadgets in an average household is exceeding the total number of family members ; (with kindle being the new gadget advertised so well , resisting the technology is only worsening the scenario);

We have facebook or whats app group updates eating into our time and energies , on the other hand people who matter are made to wait another day;

We have multiple apps and service providers from food , to grocery to medicines growing at a burgeoning rate , on the other hand the product / services (from network availabilities to personal deliveries) still need to buck up to match compared to the costs involved;

We have more people to employ as house helps / assistants (thanks to mushrooming of oodles of agencies , charging a bomb!!!) on the other hand the people placed have their values and attitudes severely distorted;

We talk of women growing stronger , achieving more , breaking the ceilings in various domains , on the other hand the episodes of abuse (physical , mental & emotional ) and violence have touched an all time high records ;

I can cite volumes on the facts that surround us and disturb us  ...even at the cost of sounding a problem thinker , but through my columns I definitely want to draw everyone’s attention to how we are getting immune to the fact that despite spending so much money , efforts and energies on things today , we are not getting our rightful dues.

Despite spending a bomb on the school fees we HAVE to shell out extra for tuition classes , handwriting / Olympiads/ handwriting / English speaking etc etc...

Despite having lifeskills development programs in school curriculum now , we HAVE teachers who calls the shot at the PTMs and give feedback that are quite demoralising for the parents and the students too....

Despite HAVING to pay extra for the various services that we avail on the routine basis , We remain poorly / underserved majorly as the service providers HAVE a staff that have no idea of basic courtesies ,...

Despite HAVING round the clock connectivity ON FACEBOOK AND WHATSAPP , we still have bridges to built in our personal relationships...

Despite the media full of women achievers , we still HAVE some crude and cruel ground realities revealing a darker side to their existence...

Despite HAVING a desire to transform our kids to avid readers , We still HAVE enough temptations  to afford multiple gadgets (A temptation too hard to resist!!).... Though they have provenly been the guilty behind our children’s dwindling attention spans....

I wish to urge you all that these might be my personal perceptions but they are not there without a reason for sure. We all need to introspect and reflect on this because “HOPE IS A WONDERFUL BREAKFAST BUT A BAD SUPPER”. Also allow me to remind all those die hard hope enthusiasts that the illusion of hope is apt enough to close one’s eye to the painful truths that abound.

I personally of the opinion that One should ...Be able to see things as hopeless ( The reality today) and yet be determined to make them otherwise.