TWELVE POINTERS TO DEVELOP RESILIENT KIDS- kids who bounce back and confront challenges boldly!

While I struggled last week to write on a topic of immense value to my readers , I chanced upon this post talking about the high court’s decision to instruct schools to do away with mathematics as a subject considering it posed challenge . Are we serious to even think on such lines?

WILL IT NOT ROB THEM OF THE ZEAL TO DO THE CHALLENGING STUFF ?

WON’T IT TO MAKING IT ALL SO EASY THAT THEY WOULD LOOSE ALL THE POWER TO PERSEVERE AND ACHIEVE THE TOUGH?

I mean first they wanted to pass all kids till class VIII , then doing away with challenging yet important subjects like maths and God knows what’s next on the list.

Before we get into a debate on how good or bad these decisions are , we need to get the grip on the fact that things / situations like traffic , an exam gone wrong , a project hanging on the head , friendships and the games people play , overall day to day living  around us are changing for the bad( Read stressful and chaotic )and it’s a parents duty to foster caring would –be adults in family and community with  self regulation skills  , positive self concept , motivation , optimism , ownership of their actions and personal control .

Simply put RESILIENCE means “springing back” or “rebounding after stress or adversity”. It will ensure that our kids meet life’s challenges and pressures with elan and perseverance and prepare for success in all areas of their future life.

TWELVE SIMPLE SUTRAS TO EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY RESILIENT KIDS:

1.          COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY AND LISTEN ACTIVELY: Parents need to listen with undivided attention and validate what their kids are saying , even if they do not agree with their views.
2.        BELIEVE IN THEIR WORTH: Parents must make their kids feel special and appreciated . Telling them “ I BELIEVE IN YOU ‘ is miraculous. to add up to the magic would be family emotional support. If you seriously want resilient kids  , our words and actions must convey that none of their questions is silly or irrelevant.
3.             BEING ACCEPTING : Parents need to accept their kids for their unique temperaments. By accepting children as they are , we set realistic expectations for us and for them too resulting in more satisfying and less tense parent – child relationship
4.          FOCUSING ON STRENGTHS: Problems faced cannot be denied but a parent’s focus on their strengths rather than over emphasizing their weaknesses is a way forward to kids wanting to do a  course- correction with least resistance.
5.          VIEWING MISTAKES AS LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES : Responding their mistakes with belittling or demeaning comments is a sure shot way to a lost plot. Help them see an opportunity and experiences to learn and grow there.
6. .       FOSTERING A SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY: ..compassion and a social conscience by providing opportunities to children to make contributions at home , school or community are plenty these days..CAPITALIZE ON THEM J
7. .       MAINTAIN A DAILY ROUTINE AND USE DISCIPLINE : children should know that they are loved and cared for unconditionally but the realization that they cannot get away with whatever they want has to be built in too. Maintaining a balance of giving in and firmness is suggested. However using discipline to intimidate or humiliate will spoil it all for you.
8. .       STICKING TO A ROUTINE has been found to be comforting to children especially young kids who crave structure in their lives. Encourage them and guide as needed to have his or her own routines.
9.          GIVE THEM CHOICES: Help them by modelling problem solving behaviour by allowing them to experience success or failure resulting fro, their choices within a supportive framework. Choosing and following up with their choices gives them deeper insights into their decisions while they are learning to be responsible under your able hand holding.
10. 10.   RESILIENCE IN YOUR PARENTING PERSONA: Problem solving and decision making are two important components of Resilience. Showcase the two often in your parenting in a regular day and let it help your children use as a guiding light to a sense of control in their own lives
11. 11.   MOVE TOWARDS GOALS: Teach children to make reasonable goals and move towards getting them in a step at a time. Inculcate a sense of achievement by acknowledging every small step towards achieving their goals...remember “what you appreciate appreciates”-completed goals or the pending half??
12. 12.   ACCEPT THAT CHANGE IS THE WAY OF LIFE BUT ONE HAS TO MAINTAIN PERSPECTIVE AND BE HOPEFUL: Change has always been scary. Helping them see times when change has actually been good  , how changes from one class to another have been a good change and more would be helpful to install a belief that change is part of life and one can cope. A positive and hopeful outlook  will support our children to see good things in life to keep coping and going ahead with a smile , even in hardest of times that abound these days.

Take a break , align schedules but do not worry endlessly , Be flexible but start with yourself by:

·         Assume responsibility to change ,

·         Understand the set of problems , goals or decisions you would want to achieve,

·         Evaluate what all has been done to achieve the above and why it hasn’t worked out,

·         In case you fail , try again , handle your frustration for the sake for raising your RESILIENT bunch!!!

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WHILE MY HEAD DOUBTS , MY HEART BEATS FOR A PROMISING TOMORROW

When I log online I feel we as woman have , indeed , come a long way. One step out into the real world , I see many men deciding when , with whom and where can their wife / sisters or mothers may go , the dresses they may wear and all the decisions regarding their well being , interests , finances , friends , children , work and more .

Also there is this  one complete segment of woman from all economics sects for whom the marriage is sacrosanct and the world in itself..Barring a few exceptions the fact remains that celebrating WOMANHOOD on just a day out of 365 days is far from a fair deal in light of given facts .

Another unfairness that stares in our face is a big thought provoking question: “IS WOMEN’S DAY AN ELITIST PHENOMENON IN INDIA??

Earlier violations and violence against woman was real time happenings and they continue to be so to date. .Now there’s another dimension to it : VIRTUAL violations...which by all means can be really toxic. Majorly the issues raised online were the urban rage incidents or where the rights of urban woman were violated. The angst of the virtual world were more for the ones of their own kinds. The missing link of the trans- sectional nature make it pretty shallow.

 To be true to its spirit of the  woman’s day as it started in 1917 -marking women’s contribution and partnership towards world’s growth , economy , and development  , its repercussions need to seep down to the grass roots , then positively affect the woman en-mass and address their day to day lived experiences . At the cost of sounding pessimist , I must say we haven’t even reached half-way.sad but true!

I heave a heavy breath of disillusionment  as I sit to put into words the tussle between my well meaning head and a well lived heart. I can take a stance to actively celebrate one with all the frills of consumerism- the cards , flowers , discounts on beauty treatments and loads of other freebies around me or I can spare a day to thoughts of taking stock if we have really arrived.

The mood for this day-  a day just before the D-day on 8 March is to feel blessed for my cool- sisters online associations, for being able to exercise my independence of speech , work, dressing , behaviors , supporting patriarchy and much more , but not without accepting the woes of many more of my tribe.

I still know that there are many who can’t afford to speak what they feel , what they would love to do , the way they would want to dress , the people they would like to meet , the places they would die to visit , the way they would want their relationships to bloom , the goals they want to actualise , or the basic respect & acknowledgement that they would love to feel in the eyes of people in their environment. None of these seem to be a very big demand but denied even than. I am yet to think of ways or points of origin from where WOMEN’S DAY becomes a  source of new power , ideas and fresh struggles across all sects of women in our society. But the few places to begin with could be

·        Thanks to Technology , you can sit at home and upgrade a few skills , connect with a like-minded set of people , explore motivational stories of how others in similar situations turned it around for good .

·        Spend time with self- know your true feelings strengths and weakness , threats and opportunities; explore effective ways of managing stress ( more so if you are in a toxic environment) ,nurture your body with good food , thoughts ,meditation, reading ,listening to your favourite music .All this will give you a perspective and give you strength to face the situations and finally turning the tables.

·        Seek help from various women helplines , speak out and DO NOT withdraw in a cocoon.

·        Accept the fact that it is not feasible to separate women struggles from support from men. Supportive patriarchy can be a point of great strength .Accepting facts make things bearable.

·        ...but not challenging repressive patriarchy could be the end of dreams and desires atleast in this lifetime.

While I still reflect and analyze on what could be a better way to initiate something worth it on this women’s day , gain some solace in the fact that there are many who are at an equal playing field and have waged a revolution back home on Gender quality with their kids , You go and start taking small affordable risks & actions to see a change in your environment. Be rest assured it is worth the effort!

Have an empowering women’s day that paves the way for even more strength in coming years.

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