WHILE MY HEAD DOUBTS , MY HEART BEATS FOR A PROMISING TOMORROW

When I log online I feel we as woman have , indeed , come a long way. One step out into the real world , I see many men deciding when , with whom and where can their wife / sisters or mothers may go , the dresses they may wear and all the decisions regarding their well being , interests , finances , friends , children , work and more .

Also there is this  one complete segment of woman from all economics sects for whom the marriage is sacrosanct and the world in itself..Barring a few exceptions the fact remains that celebrating WOMANHOOD on just a day out of 365 days is far from a fair deal in light of given facts .

Another unfairness that stares in our face is a big thought provoking question: “IS WOMEN’S DAY AN ELITIST PHENOMENON IN INDIA??

Earlier violations and violence against woman was real time happenings and they continue to be so to date. .Now there’s another dimension to it : VIRTUAL violations...which by all means can be really toxic. Majorly the issues raised online were the urban rage incidents or where the rights of urban woman were violated. The angst of the virtual world were more for the ones of their own kinds. The missing link of the trans- sectional nature make it pretty shallow.

 To be true to its spirit of the  woman’s day as it started in 1917 -marking women’s contribution and partnership towards world’s growth , economy , and development  , its repercussions need to seep down to the grass roots , then positively affect the woman en-mass and address their day to day lived experiences . At the cost of sounding pessimist , I must say we haven’t even reached half-way.sad but true!

I heave a heavy breath of disillusionment  as I sit to put into words the tussle between my well meaning head and a well lived heart. I can take a stance to actively celebrate one with all the frills of consumerism- the cards , flowers , discounts on beauty treatments and loads of other freebies around me or I can spare a day to thoughts of taking stock if we have really arrived.

The mood for this day-  a day just before the D-day on 8 March is to feel blessed for my cool- sisters online associations, for being able to exercise my independence of speech , work, dressing , behaviors , supporting patriarchy and much more , but not without accepting the woes of many more of my tribe.

I still know that there are many who can’t afford to speak what they feel , what they would love to do , the way they would want to dress , the people they would like to meet , the places they would die to visit , the way they would want their relationships to bloom , the goals they want to actualise , or the basic respect & acknowledgement that they would love to feel in the eyes of people in their environment. None of these seem to be a very big demand but denied even than. I am yet to think of ways or points of origin from where WOMEN’S DAY becomes a  source of new power , ideas and fresh struggles across all sects of women in our society. But the few places to begin with could be

·        Thanks to Technology , you can sit at home and upgrade a few skills , connect with a like-minded set of people , explore motivational stories of how others in similar situations turned it around for good .

·        Spend time with self- know your true feelings strengths and weakness , threats and opportunities; explore effective ways of managing stress ( more so if you are in a toxic environment) ,nurture your body with good food , thoughts ,meditation, reading ,listening to your favourite music .All this will give you a perspective and give you strength to face the situations and finally turning the tables.

·        Seek help from various women helplines , speak out and DO NOT withdraw in a cocoon.

·        Accept the fact that it is not feasible to separate women struggles from support from men. Supportive patriarchy can be a point of great strength .Accepting facts make things bearable.

·        ...but not challenging repressive patriarchy could be the end of dreams and desires atleast in this lifetime.

While I still reflect and analyze on what could be a better way to initiate something worth it on this women’s day , gain some solace in the fact that there are many who are at an equal playing field and have waged a revolution back home on Gender quality with their kids , You go and start taking small affordable risks & actions to see a change in your environment. Be rest assured it is worth the effort!

Have an empowering women’s day that paves the way for even more strength in coming years.

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I WANT TO BE FREE- “ ARENT THEY BIG ENOUGH TO MANAGE!!!

These days all mommies (ok , most mommies) are so particular about their ME –TIME that it has become an almost universal complain that you get to hear as “The kids are big enough now (it applies for ages as early as 6 years) and ought to understand that I have limited time post work and other stuff.Its high time they become independent and do not need my constant reminders to do things “

Poor little ones , being ill equipped , flounder badly and there starts the whole jinga-lala business of being judgmental about their actions , critical of their ways of being & doing and in extreme cases comparisons with other kids (irrespective of their environments or support systems or exposures)

Personally I feel there are some simple yet effective ways to be free..Free to have more time to do things you want.

 Read on:

• ·         You have amassed quicker , smarter and time saving ways to do things overall. Instead of letting your kids take time and re-invent the wheel , take the lead to guide them and help them implement it actively. It implies you are not spoon feeding them but it certainly means teaching them your strategies of better Time – management, organising , referencing , quicker reading or multitasking tasks , mannerisms , and much more .It will help them save time and offers them a powerful choice to their existing repertoire of skills.
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• ·         Your presence around the child while he engages in meaningful activities builds an emotional support and connect. To double up the benefits  , share your life experiences and you can add lots of value to their development both mental and physical.
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• ·         The concentrated efforts , interest and inputs that you can provide are way above the ones given by a tuition- teacher / or enrichment classes. Of course there are exceptions but considering the sporadic availability of business oriented guidance the rule is definitely otherwise. YOUR STAKES ARE NO DOUBT HIGHER WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR CHILD!!!
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• ·         It is our duty as a mother to not just provide food for the body to our kids but to take equal responsibility to serve them food for thoughts , right behaviours , decisions . and actions. The wholesome growth of kids is the only way towards freedom for a mom. All mommies investing energies in their kids while they are still young , get free once the ground work is in place ( I feel class 8^th should be a good milestone to keep in mind , to bring out the best in them ) .
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• ·      Ground work would involve teaching and showing them the nitty - gritties of planning & organising , Reading skill types ( skimming / scanning /study / speed reading)love for learning , gradual note making , scheduling tasks , sticking to time frames are just to name a few , with far reaching results.
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IF DESPITE IT ALL  , YOU STILL WANT TO KEEP YOUR ME- TIME AS SACRED , REVISIT YOUR BALANCING ACT IN LIFE. WITH A LITTLE PLANNING AND PUTTING FIRST THINGS FIRST (WHICHEVER WAY IT GOES FOR YOU: FROM THE CHILD TO YOU OR VICE VERSA)  , IT COULD BE A CAKE WALK (OR SHOULD I SAY “CAT WALK “)TOWARDS MORE FREE TIME...SCRIPT IT THE WAY IT SUITS YOU MOMS.

#RELEASE THE PRESSURE

“CHILDREN MOSTLY LIVE IN THE PRESENT. TRYING TO PUSH THEM HARD FOR A BETTER FUTURE GOES AGAINST THE GRAIN OF CHILDHOOD”

Any philosopher and guide would advise to live in the present as the past is history and future is a distant dream. Kids are the master practitioners of this basic philosophy.  Look around and you would find enough examples  in parents  who rob kids of all this in the name of cut throat competition , future fitness , coping with stress , high cut offs , limited opportunities , and above all Living their dreams and aspirations through them.

WHAT IS IT DOING TO OUR KIDS AND TO US? A world of irreversible damage!!!

 It  is fast forwarding their entry into the world of adulthood and its related stressors like anxiety , depressions ,peer- pressures , low self esteem issues and uni-dimensional personalities  .Their blanking out in exams , forgetting the answers , extreme to mild discomfort (both mental and physical ) before or during exams , disliking the testing approach to learning , obsessive compulsive disorders , escaping schedules and avoiding studies, daydreaming etc are clear warning signs to a more receptive parent to revisit how they are approaching studies/ performance  and a call to release the pressure.

The damage it brings to us as parents by way of additional stress apart from our day to day struggles-be it driving to work , meeting deadlines ,  managing home and work ,  planning and implementing schedules for self , kids and more ,is equally unpleasant. Internally it manifests in psychological issues and overtly it puts us in bad light with little or no control on our day to day interactions ,  language and behaviors.

WHERE DOES IT LEADING TO? No point in guessing that it will lead to an individual who grows up with no imagination , and crippled problem solving & adaptability issues.

An average child’s life today is so regimented and regulated by the rigidity in school systems with its extreme pressures of year round assessments , examinations , excessive homework , too many tuitions and multiple other structured activities. It leads to an environment where informal play by themselves or with peer groups outside school has totally vanished. The end result is a level of stress of  KIND THAT WOULD BREAK AN ADULT N, LEAVE ALONE CHILDREN.  

Let’s not forget  that despite it all a  highly focused child is a rarity and more often a less interesting and enthusiastic as an individual.

HOW CAN BE GAIN A BALANCED PERSPECTIVE INTO ALL THIS  THAT IS A TICKING TIME BOMB? 

According to Randy Pausch , the author of ‘THE LAST LECTURE’,......A lot of parents don’t realize the power of their words. Depending on the age of the child and a sense of self , an off hand comment from the parents can feel like a shove from a bulldozer’ and more so during exam times.

Children do not even know that they are failing , we make them feel so.  Hence , We need to do some work too :

1.      Give yourselves some goals to acheive and behaviours to mould , and you are bound to be empathetic about the effort that your kids make in achieving theirs and failing at times.

2.      If competition worries you , arm yourself with information on the ten fold increase in the opportunities  in the last few years particularly;

3.      Question your limiting beliefs about education , learning , intelligence , motivation and acheivement  more often.

4.       Renew them , communicate them to your kids and take a long sighted view of education. Life long learning will guarantee success to your child and not strict obedience , rankings , rote learning , examinations or so called “good starts”

5.      Identify the uniqueness of your child and nudge them in the right direction  , tell them to compete against SELF and not others , and be competitive enough not to settle for safe “academic performance , give them your time , space & unconditional support .

6.      Teach them that adversity , stress or pressures bring out the best in a person and accepting challenges would come naturally to them in the long run. Failure  should not necessarily be a bad word!

Having said all that and more on #RELEASINGTHEPRESSURE , its highly recommended to :

1.      Feedbacks needs to be  given in a positive and motivating tone with a future pacing and acknowledgement of their positives and efforts, are always well received.

2.      Give them supervised , guided and graded strategies to studies before you expect them to fight their wars  and be on their own.

3.      Let them develop into a well rounded individuals and prod them to a life beyond books. Gift them love for sports , arts , reading , music , and more based on their interests to be more self centered and self assured.

4.      Indulge them in value building and life skills building on an early age. Whether you choose yourself as a role model or seek outside intervention is absolutely your call.

5.      Let them value the three B’s:  taking BREAKS , deep BREATHING and a BALANCED DIET.

I am pretty convinced that once the basics are in place the parent child interaction is a delight to watch and the relationship is more open , honest and two way.

 Today we need more kids who develop into a person of substance  rather than rich. Clearly then , let’s let our children follow their passion and areas of interest rather than channel them in tandem with formal education.

RESOLUTIONS THAT STAY!!!!

April is infamous for being the month where many (or rather most) resolutions die a silent death and leaves behind a myth that its not easy!!!

Some facts , however , if reflected upon closely can be path – breaking.

Come January , We all wish and desire to change a few or more things about the way we look , emotions we feel , how we relate with self or others , our behaviours in particular to our Lives in general. How we fancy the idea of ringing on changes but are we all ears to some calculated long term trade- offs needed to back our real – time decisions to change.

Let me break it down to small chunks to help you see deeper into what all that one needs to make sure that the RESOLUTIONS made at the beginning of the new year go on to bear results .

Ø  MAKE A REAL DECISION : REAL DECISIONS requires taking stock of your present state or position , the desired self / state , chalking out creative , practical , personal roadmap with small but consistently firm baby steps to usher in change each day.

Ø  WILLINGNESS TO TAKE ACTION: It is important that it comes from within and should not have someone else as the reference or the stimulus. Half the battle is won when you want it whole heartedly and not merely to fit in.

Ø  LEARN TO CHANNELISE your desire for instant gratification in more than one ways and preferably other than the normally / habitually preferred ways. For example: change in mood is preferably initiated by a lavish eat out options or indulging in calorie rich foods. How about gradually shifting to listening to your favourite music or reading your chosen book or catching up with a friend but certainly not indulging in mindless indulgences. It’s just a matter of frequency of replacements that the new choices will sound normal .

Ø  KEEP THE PATIENCE TO EXPERIENCE ‘LAG-TIME’: simply put it’s the same as the fact that ROME WAS NOT BUILT IN A DAY! All masterpieces(in this case your desired goals or resolutions) from our very own TAJ MAHAL to a demonetized / corruption free / swachh BHARAT involve a long term pain management and patience.

Ø  FLEXIBILITY IS THE KEY: Feel OK to manage , change or alter the road map to the new changes. Flexibility to make changes makes it saner and any aberrations in the name of failing has to be carefully monitored and perceived.

Remember to feed your mind that each time you mange to meet a challenge , you are able to take your life , confidence levels , self esteem and  ‘CAN-DO-SPIRIT’ to the next level. worth it? NO?

GO ON USHER IN CHANGES THAT STAY....WISHING YOU GOOD LUCK!!!

10 Ways To Make Your Child A Confident Speaker

Speaking is an art with a science and that too speaking confidently is about a strategy that cannot be brushed aside as an ordinary exercise in child’s play. If started early it come effortlessly while for a late entrant to the skill is perpetually struggling. To groom confident speakers , a few pointers can be path breaking trial of competence in anyone kids or adults alike.

1.      Speaking is all in the head and is a developmental process. So it is important for our kids to have better beliefs about self , about acquiring knowledge and speaking per se.

2.      Encourage them to read books and to expose them to varied subjects , writing styles , powerful vocabulary and to gradually but surely fall in love with newer perspectives on incidences and more.

3.      It always helps to engage them in basic courtesies ( face to face , on phone , mails etc ) and a brief talk (especially for hesitant speakers )to share and challenge any of their limiting beliefs and fears about speaking.

4.      The magic mantra for confident speakers lies in a presupposition “I HAVE SOMETHING OF VALUE TO SHARE” OR “ I CAN DO IT”. It helps them approach speaking with a relaxed mindset and an unshakeable conviction. It thus reflects in their body language too.

5.      Awareness of the ingredients or the secret sauce of confident speakers includes appreciation of voice modulation , eye-contact, body language and sense of humor and can be untying the threads of doubt and incompetence if any.

6.      Let the kids have the privilege to be part of one or the other speaking clubs in your area. It makes them consciously aware of their shortcomings and provides a platform to express and a group of participants ...all that combined puts the odds in their favour.

7.      Kids who are allowed to voice their opinions , and express their feelings are naturally competent speakers. so the next time you snub them and cut them short while they speak , please make sure you have a reason for that.

8.      Modelling by being a good speaker is a sure shot process of persuasion to inspire your young bundles to stand up well to the task. Work on being a non-judgemental parent with a love for language/words/learning/reading.

9.      Behind every confident speaker is a that is well rehearsed and that too ideally minimum 3-14 hrs prior to its delivery. The more they practise their script , the better it is internalised and the outcome is the ability to sound natural and of course a relaxed body language and loads of eye-contact.

1.  Finally it all boils down to ‘STATES’..WHICH IS AN AMALGAMATION OF PICTURES/VISUALS (GOOD OR BAD BOTH) AND THE BODY LANGUAGE!!

If they visualise themselves as faltering , miffed & fearful , paralysingly conscious of the audience , the whole confidence goes for a toss.

Having made aware of the two together and the power of state management (by combining mental images and body language ) , let them visualise (initially a conscious effort though)of the goodness of teh experience , belief in self , and of sharing valuable information with others.

It will definitely put the demons of fear , and incompetence to rest and ensure an empowering state coupled with a body language that spells ‘CONFIDENCE’.

8 Psychological Tricks To Get Your Kids To Do Exactly As You Say!

Actions spring out of what we fundamentally desire and the best piece of advice for would –be persuaders (PARENTS in this context )  whether at home , at work or in social circles remains : “ FIRST AROUSE IN OTHER PERSON AN EAGER WANT. HE WHO CAN DO THIS HAS THE WHOLE WORLD WITH HIM.HE WHO CANNOT WALKS A LONELY WAY.” – Harry. A . Overstreet in Illuminating Human Behaviour.

1.     In my experience , Going by the above adage ... the only way to ensure that your kids toe the line is by being reasonable and in touch with some common sense. Consider what is in their for our young ones and letting them know the positive fall outs of it is a sure shot way forward.

2.     Being ecological in your demands and expectations of your kids has never gone wrong. Ecology implies that what you wish for, should have everyone’s interests and a win-win proposition in place. For example  how sticking to schedule would benefit them in growth , learning and performance in studies and overall  development and also  would be a source of sanity and ample free time to attend to other things craving for your attention.

3.     Giving orders / sermons / Do not argue types statements are bound to have an antagonistic effect on the kids and their listening to your well meaning preaching. Instead try to give options / choices a preference and keep the channels of synergy  , communication and compliance open. This makes them feel that he is party to the decision making and not merely complying under threat or compulsion.

4.     Accept the fact that given the kind of exposure  , today’s kids are a leader’s mindset. Let’s be mindful of the gap that exists today as we were particularly a follower’s mindset. This will keep your demands from your kids in a balanced perspective. It will help them  develop critical thinking and discussion temperament as the modern day skills.

5.     Kid’s map of things , situations , and people is pretty small and thus quite intense. So getting them  to do what you want might involve loads of shifting gears and discussions. Let’s get into  the  process of adopting varied perception by stepping into their shoes or better still by being a fly on the wall to view their resistance from a dissociated viewpoint. Believe me It will give you an unbiased overview of the situation and promote greater empathy for your kids. Needless to say , once this is practised there’s no stopping form here for your kids to comply with what you desire.

6.     One important aspect to remember whether we deal with kids or adults is as to how what you want is going to be beneficial for them and would be of  help  in the long run. They are so in love with themselves and with the pay-offs of their little / habitual (at times mindless) reflexes that by simply knowing what is in it for them  is often their primary focus in doing what you want them to do.

7.     Using Influence or Strategy is much more a workable solution while manipulation / tactics / tricks are only having feet of sand. Tricks remain a dirty word. You may trick your kids a couple of times into doing what you want but at the expense of loosing your long term credibility! Big price –whoa!!

8.     Finally , asking yourself “ How can I make my child to do it? “ This simple exercise will let lose the reins of your subconscious mind to more influence based ways for the same. I twill unleash ways to create the “Eager Want “in your child and the magic would never cease to exist.

5 ways to instantly concentrate and avoid distractions during study:

In times today when concentration is a casuality , distractions rule the day and a busy mind craves for a magic wand to undo the repercussions of a wandering mind and spirits , let's go back to a simple yet smart move to help concentration regain its lost glory. If there are challenges nowadays , there are equal or rather more number of solutions that abound.Here is a simple , smart and close a to magical recourse to effective study and productivity 

1)      Food intervals:  Many of us often ignore the very basic requirements of our wonderfully effective machinery-our body. The very basic of them being Hunger Pangs . Try to eat 20-30 minutes before or after your study hours as it not only avoids embarrassing and distracting muscle rotation and hunger but also drowsiness and breathlessness after food intake.

         2)      Water intake:  How often do we observe the water bottle beside us is empty by the end of the day?                      Well , rarely it is. But we must remember that water not only keeps you hydrated but also keeps tummy filled , inturn avoiding hunger pangs .

 

3)The Study Zone :  How a cocoon serves as the zone for a tiny pupa to nurture self and emerge as a beautiful and valiant creature is absolutely how one can take inspiration and make their own Study Zone . It is helpful to avoid distractions and accumulate all your concentration to focus on study , even if it is for a short while!

  

       4)      Ensure a gadget free duration when in your study zone: Though our gadgets prove to be a major asset to our daily hectic schedule , but we simply can’t ignore the ill-effects of it either. Gadgets prove to be a major distraction during study hours . It is pure human urge to check our phones every once in a while, inturn refraining us from wholly focussing on study . Conclusively howsovery short or long your study hours may last , let it be a no gadget zone for maximum productivity.

5) Stick to schedule or Align certain tasks for the day: Making a schedule and abiding by it is a must . One can even do the meagre job of aligning ‘the tasks of the day’ but what really matters is following it and accomplishing them all or at least 80-90% of the aimed .

These matter of fact strategies coupled with meditation and doable Brain gym exercises can certainly be a breather (talking out of 12 years of experience on using Braingym in my trainings ) can be of immense gains ..Go for it!!!