#RELEASE THE PRESSURE

“CHILDREN MOSTLY LIVE IN THE PRESENT. TRYING TO PUSH THEM HARD FOR A BETTER FUTURE GOES AGAINST THE GRAIN OF CHILDHOOD”

Any philosopher and guide would advise to live in the present as the past is history and future is a distant dream. Kids are the master practitioners of this basic philosophy.  Look around and you would find enough examples  in parents  who rob kids of all this in the name of cut throat competition , future fitness , coping with stress , high cut offs , limited opportunities , and above all Living their dreams and aspirations through them.

WHAT IS IT DOING TO OUR KIDS AND TO US? A world of irreversible damage!!!

 It  is fast forwarding their entry into the world of adulthood and its related stressors like anxiety , depressions ,peer- pressures , low self esteem issues and uni-dimensional personalities  .Their blanking out in exams , forgetting the answers , extreme to mild discomfort (both mental and physical ) before or during exams , disliking the testing approach to learning , obsessive compulsive disorders , escaping schedules and avoiding studies, daydreaming etc are clear warning signs to a more receptive parent to revisit how they are approaching studies/ performance  and a call to release the pressure.

The damage it brings to us as parents by way of additional stress apart from our day to day struggles-be it driving to work , meeting deadlines ,  managing home and work ,  planning and implementing schedules for self , kids and more ,is equally unpleasant. Internally it manifests in psychological issues and overtly it puts us in bad light with little or no control on our day to day interactions ,  language and behaviors.

WHERE DOES IT LEADING TO? No point in guessing that it will lead to an individual who grows up with no imagination , and crippled problem solving & adaptability issues.

An average child’s life today is so regimented and regulated by the rigidity in school systems with its extreme pressures of year round assessments , examinations , excessive homework , too many tuitions and multiple other structured activities. It leads to an environment where informal play by themselves or with peer groups outside school has totally vanished. The end result is a level of stress of  KIND THAT WOULD BREAK AN ADULT N, LEAVE ALONE CHILDREN.  

Let’s not forget  that despite it all a  highly focused child is a rarity and more often a less interesting and enthusiastic as an individual.

HOW CAN BE GAIN A BALANCED PERSPECTIVE INTO ALL THIS  THAT IS A TICKING TIME BOMB? 

According to Randy Pausch , the author of ‘THE LAST LECTURE’,......A lot of parents don’t realize the power of their words. Depending on the age of the child and a sense of self , an off hand comment from the parents can feel like a shove from a bulldozer’ and more so during exam times.

Children do not even know that they are failing , we make them feel so.  Hence , We need to do some work too :

1.      Give yourselves some goals to acheive and behaviours to mould , and you are bound to be empathetic about the effort that your kids make in achieving theirs and failing at times.

2.      If competition worries you , arm yourself with information on the ten fold increase in the opportunities  in the last few years particularly;

3.      Question your limiting beliefs about education , learning , intelligence , motivation and acheivement  more often.

4.       Renew them , communicate them to your kids and take a long sighted view of education. Life long learning will guarantee success to your child and not strict obedience , rankings , rote learning , examinations or so called “good starts”

5.      Identify the uniqueness of your child and nudge them in the right direction  , tell them to compete against SELF and not others , and be competitive enough not to settle for safe “academic performance , give them your time , space & unconditional support .

6.      Teach them that adversity , stress or pressures bring out the best in a person and accepting challenges would come naturally to them in the long run. Failure  should not necessarily be a bad word!

Having said all that and more on #RELEASINGTHEPRESSURE , its highly recommended to :

1.      Feedbacks needs to be  given in a positive and motivating tone with a future pacing and acknowledgement of their positives and efforts, are always well received.

2.      Give them supervised , guided and graded strategies to studies before you expect them to fight their wars  and be on their own.

3.      Let them develop into a well rounded individuals and prod them to a life beyond books. Gift them love for sports , arts , reading , music , and more based on their interests to be more self centered and self assured.

4.      Indulge them in value building and life skills building on an early age. Whether you choose yourself as a role model or seek outside intervention is absolutely your call.

5.      Let them value the three B’s:  taking BREAKS , deep BREATHING and a BALANCED DIET.

I am pretty convinced that once the basics are in place the parent child interaction is a delight to watch and the relationship is more open , honest and two way.

 Today we need more kids who develop into a person of substance  rather than rich. Clearly then , let’s let our children follow their passion and areas of interest rather than channel them in tandem with formal education.

RESOLUTIONS THAT STAY!!!!

April is infamous for being the month where many (or rather most) resolutions die a silent death and leaves behind a myth that its not easy!!!

Some facts , however , if reflected upon closely can be path – breaking.

Come January , We all wish and desire to change a few or more things about the way we look , emotions we feel , how we relate with self or others , our behaviours in particular to our Lives in general. How we fancy the idea of ringing on changes but are we all ears to some calculated long term trade- offs needed to back our real – time decisions to change.

Let me break it down to small chunks to help you see deeper into what all that one needs to make sure that the RESOLUTIONS made at the beginning of the new year go on to bear results .

Ø  MAKE A REAL DECISION : REAL DECISIONS requires taking stock of your present state or position , the desired self / state , chalking out creative , practical , personal roadmap with small but consistently firm baby steps to usher in change each day.

Ø  WILLINGNESS TO TAKE ACTION: It is important that it comes from within and should not have someone else as the reference or the stimulus. Half the battle is won when you want it whole heartedly and not merely to fit in.

Ø  LEARN TO CHANNELISE your desire for instant gratification in more than one ways and preferably other than the normally / habitually preferred ways. For example: change in mood is preferably initiated by a lavish eat out options or indulging in calorie rich foods. How about gradually shifting to listening to your favourite music or reading your chosen book or catching up with a friend but certainly not indulging in mindless indulgences. It’s just a matter of frequency of replacements that the new choices will sound normal .

Ø  KEEP THE PATIENCE TO EXPERIENCE ‘LAG-TIME’: simply put it’s the same as the fact that ROME WAS NOT BUILT IN A DAY! All masterpieces(in this case your desired goals or resolutions) from our very own TAJ MAHAL to a demonetized / corruption free / swachh BHARAT involve a long term pain management and patience.

Ø  FLEXIBILITY IS THE KEY: Feel OK to manage , change or alter the road map to the new changes. Flexibility to make changes makes it saner and any aberrations in the name of failing has to be carefully monitored and perceived.

Remember to feed your mind that each time you mange to meet a challenge , you are able to take your life , confidence levels , self esteem and  ‘CAN-DO-SPIRIT’ to the next level. worth it? NO?

GO ON USHER IN CHANGES THAT STAY....WISHING YOU GOOD LUCK!!!

10 Ways To Make Your Child A Confident Speaker

Speaking is an art with a science and that too speaking confidently is about a strategy that cannot be brushed aside as an ordinary exercise in child’s play. If started early it come effortlessly while for a late entrant to the skill is perpetually struggling. To groom confident speakers , a few pointers can be path breaking trial of competence in anyone kids or adults alike.

1.      Speaking is all in the head and is a developmental process. So it is important for our kids to have better beliefs about self , about acquiring knowledge and speaking per se.

2.      Encourage them to read books and to expose them to varied subjects , writing styles , powerful vocabulary and to gradually but surely fall in love with newer perspectives on incidences and more.

3.      It always helps to engage them in basic courtesies ( face to face , on phone , mails etc ) and a brief talk (especially for hesitant speakers )to share and challenge any of their limiting beliefs and fears about speaking.

4.      The magic mantra for confident speakers lies in a presupposition “I HAVE SOMETHING OF VALUE TO SHARE” OR “ I CAN DO IT”. It helps them approach speaking with a relaxed mindset and an unshakeable conviction. It thus reflects in their body language too.

5.      Awareness of the ingredients or the secret sauce of confident speakers includes appreciation of voice modulation , eye-contact, body language and sense of humor and can be untying the threads of doubt and incompetence if any.

6.      Let the kids have the privilege to be part of one or the other speaking clubs in your area. It makes them consciously aware of their shortcomings and provides a platform to express and a group of participants ...all that combined puts the odds in their favour.

7.      Kids who are allowed to voice their opinions , and express their feelings are naturally competent speakers. so the next time you snub them and cut them short while they speak , please make sure you have a reason for that.

8.      Modelling by being a good speaker is a sure shot process of persuasion to inspire your young bundles to stand up well to the task. Work on being a non-judgemental parent with a love for language/words/learning/reading.

9.      Behind every confident speaker is a that is well rehearsed and that too ideally minimum 3-14 hrs prior to its delivery. The more they practise their script , the better it is internalised and the outcome is the ability to sound natural and of course a relaxed body language and loads of eye-contact.

1.  Finally it all boils down to ‘STATES’..WHICH IS AN AMALGAMATION OF PICTURES/VISUALS (GOOD OR BAD BOTH) AND THE BODY LANGUAGE!!

If they visualise themselves as faltering , miffed & fearful , paralysingly conscious of the audience , the whole confidence goes for a toss.

Having made aware of the two together and the power of state management (by combining mental images and body language ) , let them visualise (initially a conscious effort though)of the goodness of teh experience , belief in self , and of sharing valuable information with others.

It will definitely put the demons of fear , and incompetence to rest and ensure an empowering state coupled with a body language that spells ‘CONFIDENCE’.

8 Psychological Tricks To Get Your Kids To Do Exactly As You Say!

Actions spring out of what we fundamentally desire and the best piece of advice for would –be persuaders (PARENTS in this context )  whether at home , at work or in social circles remains : “ FIRST AROUSE IN OTHER PERSON AN EAGER WANT. HE WHO CAN DO THIS HAS THE WHOLE WORLD WITH HIM.HE WHO CANNOT WALKS A LONELY WAY.” – Harry. A . Overstreet in Illuminating Human Behaviour.

1.     In my experience , Going by the above adage ... the only way to ensure that your kids toe the line is by being reasonable and in touch with some common sense. Consider what is in their for our young ones and letting them know the positive fall outs of it is a sure shot way forward.

2.     Being ecological in your demands and expectations of your kids has never gone wrong. Ecology implies that what you wish for, should have everyone’s interests and a win-win proposition in place. For example  how sticking to schedule would benefit them in growth , learning and performance in studies and overall  development and also  would be a source of sanity and ample free time to attend to other things craving for your attention.

3.     Giving orders / sermons / Do not argue types statements are bound to have an antagonistic effect on the kids and their listening to your well meaning preaching. Instead try to give options / choices a preference and keep the channels of synergy  , communication and compliance open. This makes them feel that he is party to the decision making and not merely complying under threat or compulsion.

4.     Accept the fact that given the kind of exposure  , today’s kids are a leader’s mindset. Let’s be mindful of the gap that exists today as we were particularly a follower’s mindset. This will keep your demands from your kids in a balanced perspective. It will help them  develop critical thinking and discussion temperament as the modern day skills.

5.     Kid’s map of things , situations , and people is pretty small and thus quite intense. So getting them  to do what you want might involve loads of shifting gears and discussions. Let’s get into  the  process of adopting varied perception by stepping into their shoes or better still by being a fly on the wall to view their resistance from a dissociated viewpoint. Believe me It will give you an unbiased overview of the situation and promote greater empathy for your kids. Needless to say , once this is practised there’s no stopping form here for your kids to comply with what you desire.

6.     One important aspect to remember whether we deal with kids or adults is as to how what you want is going to be beneficial for them and would be of  help  in the long run. They are so in love with themselves and with the pay-offs of their little / habitual (at times mindless) reflexes that by simply knowing what is in it for them  is often their primary focus in doing what you want them to do.

7.     Using Influence or Strategy is much more a workable solution while manipulation / tactics / tricks are only having feet of sand. Tricks remain a dirty word. You may trick your kids a couple of times into doing what you want but at the expense of loosing your long term credibility! Big price –whoa!!

8.     Finally , asking yourself “ How can I make my child to do it? “ This simple exercise will let lose the reins of your subconscious mind to more influence based ways for the same. I twill unleash ways to create the “Eager Want “in your child and the magic would never cease to exist.

5 ways to instantly concentrate and avoid distractions during study:

In times today when concentration is a casuality , distractions rule the day and a busy mind craves for a magic wand to undo the repercussions of a wandering mind and spirits , let's go back to a simple yet smart move to help concentration regain its lost glory. If there are challenges nowadays , there are equal or rather more number of solutions that abound.Here is a simple , smart and close a to magical recourse to effective study and productivity 

1)      Food intervals:  Many of us often ignore the very basic requirements of our wonderfully effective machinery-our body. The very basic of them being Hunger Pangs . Try to eat 20-30 minutes before or after your study hours as it not only avoids embarrassing and distracting muscle rotation and hunger but also drowsiness and breathlessness after food intake.

         2)      Water intake:  How often do we observe the water bottle beside us is empty by the end of the day?                      Well , rarely it is. But we must remember that water not only keeps you hydrated but also keeps tummy filled , inturn avoiding hunger pangs .

 

3)The Study Zone :  How a cocoon serves as the zone for a tiny pupa to nurture self and emerge as a beautiful and valiant creature is absolutely how one can take inspiration and make their own Study Zone . It is helpful to avoid distractions and accumulate all your concentration to focus on study , even if it is for a short while!

  

       4)      Ensure a gadget free duration when in your study zone: Though our gadgets prove to be a major asset to our daily hectic schedule , but we simply can’t ignore the ill-effects of it either. Gadgets prove to be a major distraction during study hours . It is pure human urge to check our phones every once in a while, inturn refraining us from wholly focussing on study . Conclusively howsovery short or long your study hours may last , let it be a no gadget zone for maximum productivity.

5) Stick to schedule or Align certain tasks for the day: Making a schedule and abiding by it is a must . One can even do the meagre job of aligning ‘the tasks of the day’ but what really matters is following it and accomplishing them all or at least 80-90% of the aimed .

These matter of fact strategies coupled with meditation and doable Brain gym exercises can certainly be a breather (talking out of 12 years of experience on using Braingym in my trainings ) can be of immense gains ..Go for it!!! 

STOP ACTING AS IF YOU WERE BORN ONLY YESTERDAY!!

Of late I happened to see lots of videos on different whats app groups about people complaining of getting a wrong product (adulterated ,bacteria infested , coagulated product , and many more reasons).Recently while I presented my case on the food safety and nutrition , I also happened to hear a young boy all of 8 years narrating how his Nani bought a Tetra Pak juice only to find it with some fungal growth. Since that day he and his family is convinced that bottles are a better option than six layered cartons.

Isn’t it an irony that plastic won over a packaging material that has  bio- degradable and recycleable elements?

 Does it not sound absurd that something that is good for earth and good for us and the products that we consume has lost out to a material that is ecologically toxic?

 Is it a gimmick that a company invests in a machinery , materials and systems that guarantee nutrition , food safety and preservative free consumable goods?

Who is to be blamed for the bad product that we get and that makes us feel cheated? Common sense says that we have to stop acting naive and as if we were born only yesterday. With information at the click of our fingers (online platforms like NQ course for Moms  at www.nutrition-quotient.com , blogs &content on food safety and nutrition and more ) why don’t we explore how we can have a product that is just right?

Lets clearly understand that if we get a product that’s not right it’s because we are doing somethings that are not right. The check list goes as given:

1.       When we buy a product are we focussing on  comparing prices only or we are also exploring the nutrition content of the two products?

2.       Is the packaging holding your attention or you do take out time to check the labels and facts printed on the cartons?

3.       Are we paying attention to the expiry or best before date given there and is it deciding our buying of that product ?

4.       Are we concerned about the packaging being tempered or we buy the excuse from the stockists that its the transportation effect?

Let’s be informed that a package that is damaged or tempered in any which way is bound to allow bacterial infections , light and other product deterioting factors to act foul.

5.       Are we finding out if the packaging is not bloated when we are buying the milks and juices specially?  

It’s another important point to understand that the bloated packaging is an indication of something gone wrong..think twice before buying else the onus of getting a wronged product is only and surely on you.

I am sure this concise list of to dos will serve you well in buying a product that is good for you , your family and the earth. It  will also save a lot of explaining and clearing their stands (every time a video on faulty product goes viral) for  the companies that have  invested a fortune in amazing technologies to serve with the right deal.

The only promise that you’ve got to make to yourself is that “I ll stop playing the Victim and take charge of what I get from this very moment”!!!

HOPE IS A WONDERFUL BREAKFAST BUT A BAD SUPPER

                    

It has been rightly said that one should read between the lines to gain insights into a particular scenario. Taking that as true let’s look at the present trends that are trending  all around us and we are all guilty of taking them  in our stride because of the BUSY-ness called Life.

We have amazing corporate –modelled and run schools today that promise the world to us and to our kids , on the other hand there are coaching & enrichment classes / tuitions (a necessary evil !!!!)which are growing at an equally alarming rate;

We have schools boasting of developing Life skills / enhancing and respecting  Multiple Intelligence skills of each child , on the other hand the people delivering them choose to be biased ; with attitudes and behaviours that are rigid and too old school...where marks define the child. IQ is still preferred over Emotional Quotient and they give a damn to the fact that times have changed and various innovative opportunities are today lining the horizon;

We all have this secret desire that our kids should be good readers , on the other hand the number of gadgets in an average household is exceeding the total number of family members ; (with kindle being the new gadget advertised so well , resisting the technology is only worsening the scenario);

We have facebook or whats app group updates eating into our time and energies , on the other hand people who matter are made to wait another day;

We have multiple apps and service providers from food , to grocery to medicines growing at a burgeoning rate , on the other hand the product / services (from network availabilities to personal deliveries) still need to buck up to match compared to the costs involved;

We have more people to employ as house helps / assistants (thanks to mushrooming of oodles of agencies , charging a bomb!!!) on the other hand the people placed have their values and attitudes severely distorted;

We talk of women growing stronger , achieving more , breaking the ceilings in various domains , on the other hand the episodes of abuse (physical , mental & emotional ) and violence have touched an all time high records ;

I can cite volumes on the facts that surround us and disturb us  ...even at the cost of sounding a problem thinker , but through my columns I definitely want to draw everyone’s attention to how we are getting immune to the fact that despite spending so much money , efforts and energies on things today , we are not getting our rightful dues.

Despite spending a bomb on the school fees we HAVE to shell out extra for tuition classes , handwriting / Olympiads/ handwriting / English speaking etc etc...

Despite having lifeskills development programs in school curriculum now , we HAVE teachers who calls the shot at the PTMs and give feedback that are quite demoralising for the parents and the students too....

Despite HAVING to pay extra for the various services that we avail on the routine basis , We remain poorly / underserved majorly as the service providers HAVE a staff that have no idea of basic courtesies ,...

Despite HAVING round the clock connectivity ON FACEBOOK AND WHATSAPP , we still have bridges to built in our personal relationships...

Despite the media full of women achievers , we still HAVE some crude and cruel ground realities revealing a darker side to their existence...

Despite HAVING a desire to transform our kids to avid readers , We still HAVE enough temptations  to afford multiple gadgets (A temptation too hard to resist!!).... Though they have provenly been the guilty behind our children’s dwindling attention spans....

I wish to urge you all that these might be my personal perceptions but they are not there without a reason for sure. We all need to introspect and reflect on this because “HOPE IS A WONDERFUL BREAKFAST BUT A BAD SUPPER”. Also allow me to remind all those die hard hope enthusiasts that the illusion of hope is apt enough to close one’s eye to the painful truths that abound.

I personally of the opinion that One should ...Be able to see things as hopeless ( The reality today) and yet be determined to make them otherwise.